what direction should be the blinker ?

April 18th, 2007

Have you ever felt so confused ?

So confused that you didn't know where to start , or had no clue where you should end.

So confused , that you asked advice , but doubted every word people said.

So confused that all you ever seemed to do was think?

Have you ?


Well these past few weeks , this is how I felt. I feel lost , lost in tought .

I mean , I love my life, I love my people , or maybe the wrong in it all is how much I love these people? How comfertable I am in my realashionships.

I never thought i would be the one scared of change. I've never been . But right at this moment i'm terrified.

Desitions were always my favorite , a good challenge for me . Have the oppertunity to decide the left to the right made everyday better . I felt older .

But now i'm at a crossroad , the left and the right are my only choices . and I wished i could just stay at that crossraod forever.

The left and the right beying the rest of my life . The futur is BRIGHT! on both paths ... But theres so many cars behind me . beeping, BEEPING and waiting fo me to make my choice and move... and I wsih they could all be patient. I feel so fustrated.

I guess i just have the grade 12 blues .


But then I look at some of my classmates , and I cain't help to be jealous , of how certain they are ... the confidence about their destinations are what I most desire at this moment.

I just wish I could see down the miles of both the roads , left and right, a few years ...to see where I would end up happier....... but then a realise that that's what life is about , taking chances . and all I can do is pray...

So most of you are probably real lost in my thoughts . WELCOME TO HOW I FEEL! haha . Incase you were wondering... I'll clarify a bit


The left : Fredericton,NB ;

STU Ever since one of the teachers at my school mentionned how much she liked this school , I've had it in my mind, she always clarified how amazing it was to have small classes , better communication with the teachers . And then Heidi kinda got it more in my head along with one of my life long dreams to be a teacher . This has always been the safer/easier option. It's far enought that I can live, but close enough so I can keep my connections: be close to the warmth of my family , and I have a lot of friends who are gonna be in fredericton. It is also an english university , that would give my that extra challenge to help my writting skills. Not to mention I received a scholarship there and it would cost so much less.

The right : Ottawa, Ontario ; Université d'Ottawa

One of my FAVORITE places in the world. The beautiful city of Ottawa, with it's culture and oppertunity. I just remember the first day I fell in love with that city... EWC week-end . I seen the university and promised myself I would go one day . This would be the most adventurous side of me. Yess if you know me , you would know exacly what I meant. Université d'Ottawa is a bilingual University , and one of the best in fact. So many new ppl and this idea thrills me. So many more options but in consequance , how can i put this better than this: $$$$$$$$$ . outch , it cost more than life itself. I don't have all that money . If my parents would win the lottery, it would be a sure shot. but then should i take that risk anyways? And I will miss my little brother , parents , friends, etc. I wont see them often ... maybe just holidays. and with the recent news , it might make it harder. But I do have the comfort of a few friends : Pat , David and Yannick . but I don't want to be soo far away from so many ppl I love . amazing ppl . should I stay in spite of the great oppertunity I have?

I just want to make the right choice.... and keep being ME. all they way .

I don't know . Anyone else feel this presure, already has , would like to give me ANY advice , or just say ANYTHING ?

ahhhhhh . glad to get that off my chest.